How We Work

The following three sections of information should help you from the initial planning phase, through the launch and development of your own men’s ministry. The materials can be used as a complete tutorial or as individual sections if you are looking to augment an existing program.

We invite you to reach out to us for discussion or assistance with any questions you may have. We’re here to help.

Understanding the Men’s Ministry Model

A Men’s Ministry is a fellowship of men in a parish designed to enrich their relationships with God and apply their faith to their daily lives. The men tried to capture the purpose, goals, and the spirit of the new Men’s Ministry in their Mission Statement:

1.1 The Men’s Ministry Model

Men’s Ministry: What is it?

A Men’s Ministry is a fellowship of men in a parish designed to enrich their relationships with God and apply their faith to their daily lives. At St. Mary’s the men tried to capture the purpose, goals, and the spirit of the new Men’s Ministry in their Mission Statement:
St. Mary Men’s Ministry is designed to help parish men of all ages realize what it means to be a Catholic man today. Our primary mission is to help men enrich their relationships with Jesus Christ and apply their faith to their daily lives. We work to achieve these goals by celebrating the Mass and praying together, studying the Sacred Scripture, joining in small groups to discuss our successes and struggles, and inspiring one another to be accountable to our Christian values in the way we live our lives. Through this fellowship, we learn that we are capable of realizing and committing to our true priorities, and living that commitment. In fostering this, the Men’s Ministry strives to bring us closer to God, our families, the community, and each other.

Why is it needed?

Many men have few close male friends, with whom they can discuss their faith and other important male issues in a meaningful way. 

For many men, church and their faith have become spectator sports. They may attend weekly Mass, but they never get around to pursuing spiritual fulfillment beyond that. 

Men are called to be spiritual leaders in their families, the Church, and the world. That leadership is greatly needed, and many men want and need assistance in developing these skills.

Many men don’t know how to:

  • Become what they’re capable of 
  • Realize their true priorities
  • Commit to being true to these priorities
  • Be accountable to these commitments

Purpose of this Website

This web site is based on our experiences at St. Mary Parish in Ridgefield, Connecticut and in assisting other parishes throughout our Diocese. It is intended as a resource to provide guidance and suggestions to men contemplating establishing a parish based Men’s Ministry. In addition to providing an overview of program elements, we have also tried to include practical suggestions for implementation wherever appropriate.

This Men’s Ministry program is meant to serve the men of the parish. Many successful Men’s Ministries have shared common program components, we are presenting ideas that have worked well for our parish and parishes we have assisted in establishing their ministries. However, the program will have a greater chance of initial and long-term success if it is driven by the particular needs of the men in the parish.

First Steps

  • “Go slow and strive for excellence” is a guideline we have tried to follow.
  • Rather than trying to quickly win over a large number of the parish men, we believe a better goal is to achieve a meaningful and enriching program.
  • For example, as we rolled out the program to our parish, we were prepared to feel successful if we grew to 25 or 30 men, if the program helped those men feel more fulfilled. We believe if you do things well, the word will get out and the program will grow.

Establishment

In our experience, two ingredients will greatly increase the odds for success:

  • The establishment of a “Core Group” of men committed to getting and keeping the program running. The commitment needs to be sincere, but the workload should not prove to be overwhelming.
  • The commitment and active involvement of the parish clergy, in particular a priest sponsor. This helps in several ways, including helping to establish credibility within the parish community. The priest sponsor can help immeasurably. Two regular and prominent ways are by: -Guiding the Core Group in spiritual and practical matters, and -Serving as a liaison to the Pastor and to a degree, to the other parish ministries.
  • Defining the role of Clergy: In our experience it is best for Clergy to participate in, not run these meetings. The ministry should be able to function without total dependence on Clergy. Over the years we’ve seen many levels of Clergy involvement:
    • Some Pastors attend every week, join different tables and participate in the discussion.
    • Others show up for the opening prayer, remain awhile then depart depending on their schedule.
    • Those unable to attend weekly meetings often participate in Core Team meetings to contribute and stay informed on how things are developing and address any challenges where they may give guidance.

This being said, we have helped to jumpstart many successful ministries where clergy are unable to participate. In these days of closing parishes and diminished vocations many Pastors are short staffed and burdened with additional administrative duties that may hinder their weekly participation. If your Pastor falls into this category don’t let that stop you from getting started and including clergy when they’re able to attend. Most importantly, the Men’s Ministry needs to be driven by the lay leadership team, not become an additional burden on your Pastor’s plate. We strongly urge you to have this conversation at the outset with your Pastor, attending Priests and Deacons. Defining expectations, the level of support they can give and their roles will be a great help to sustaining and strengthening the ministry leadership.

Program Components

  • Weekly Meetings (6:30 – 8:00 AM every Saturday) or whatever time work best for your group. Most parishes default to early Saturday mornings, as this seems to interfere least with Saturday family obligations.
  • Spiritual and Catechetical Components 
  • Social Events
  • Parish “Community Building” Activities 
  • Community Service

1.2 Forming a Core Leadership Team

Core Team Purpose:

  • To support and facilitate the ministry with a focus on maintaining alignment with the mission statement and vision of the ministry. Focused on Spirituallife development, growth in awareness, and prayerfulness, rather than service/action.
  • To keep the weekly administration of the ministry off the Pastor’s plate. Also, to ensure the attendee experience remains free of distractions and administrative talk/duties. Each Saturday should provide a safe place for men to form faith-based friendships thru sharing in small group settings that build intimacy and trust.

Who’s on the Core Team and why?

  • The Core Team always begins with the men who jump-start the ministry. In filling out your leadership team, it is important to select 5 to 7 men who have a reasonably mature faith life, embrace the model and want to participate in running the ministry. Often the men who start the ministry are not always the men who will take it to the next level. The leadership usually does evolve as the ministry grows and that’s okay.
  • The Core Team works best as a shared leadership model with men spearheading specific areas of responsibility. Each communicating with the team, giving/receiving feedback and ultimately driving the look and feel of the ministry. Each leader chosen should have some general skill in one of the following fours areas.

Core Team Roles Responsibilities

  • Content Development: Aside from the weekly Gospels, what might the men be looking for in terms of future sessions? What are you hearing at the tables that could be developed for future topics? This would mean occasionally surveying the men on at least a quarterly basis. Also, consider special thematic sessions that tie into our liturgical seasons. Other relevant topical events could provide subject matter to consider from a faith perspective; such as church teachings or societal events. This can help to keep things fresh and also provides an opportunity to invite new men at mass to “our upcoming series on Advent” etc. This person (leader) would work with clergy and share with the team. We have created enough content on this site to run your ministry for 3 to 4 years. That said, as you get the feel for it you may want to develop sessions for the specific needs of your men.
  • Recruitment/Development: How will you grow the ministry? This person would spearhead all ministry communications. Parish web site development and presence, bulletin announcements, retreat opportunities, special events, men’s or parish wide breakfasts and any announcements at meetings etc. We recommend having men assigned to penetrate certain constituencies; KOC, parish school, etc.
  • Hospitality: Most ministries provide hot coffee and bagels or donuts each week, with a basket on the table for a $2-5 dollar free will donation. The idea is a welcoming environment where the guys spend the first 15 minutes in casual conversation about anything… friendships are formed here. Not mandatory, but a nice touch.
  • Treasurer-Attendance: Its important to keep track of who is showing up, who falls off and why. If you don’t track it, you don’t always recognize when or why some guys suddenly stops attending. Most groups make up nametags for everyone and any left unused are noted. We don’t actually take attendance, we just observe the consistency of attendance and discuss as needed.

Core Team administrative suggestions:

  1. Start a having Core Team meetings every other month. Some groups have weekly conference calls others meet in person 3-4 times a year unless something comes up that warrants a discussion. Generally meetings center on what is being heard at the table from the men, the quality of the discussion, the depth of sharing and planning for future session topics and events.
  2. Establish a Core Team rotation policy so others have an opportunity to be involved in a leadership role if they wish to. Generally at other ministries, men might serve on the core team for couple of years and then decide they want a break. Always be on the lookout for potential new leaders.
  3. Announce the members of the Core Team to the ministry attendees and let them know who covers which areas of responsibility. Invite the men to contact anyone on the team if they are interested in serving.

Things to keep an eye on:

  • Developing strong Table Captains: Having someone to guide the conversation at each table is important at the beginning and becomes critical as you grow your ministry. We can’t over emphasize the need for this. An entire section devoted to this topic will follow.
  • Keeping the focus of conversations on the session topic, the scripture reading, and the discussion questions being used.
  • Encourage discussion related to the men’s lived experience. Avoid becoming overly involved in scripture analysis, interpretation and doctrine beyond clarification.
  • Taking the pulse of the group, what are their needs and are we meeting them in terms of facilitating the discussion?
  • Practicing these facilitation skills early on as a leadership team is important. Typically as your ministry begins to grow and you add tables with new men, each of your Core Team Leaders may become your first set of Table Captains by default.

1.3 Rehearsing the Model

Once you’ve established your core team, it’s important to practice working with the model and meeting format in order to get the feel of faith sharing discussions prior to growing the ministry. As we mentioned earlier, growing slowly is critical. There is a tendency to falsely interpret high attendance numbers as a primary success factor. You may have 25 or 30 men show up once to see what’s going on, but you will not get them back if the discussion has no depth or substance. This takes time. From our experience we recommend three to four months of weekly meetings with your initial core group before inviting more men to join you.

Why? In the stress of daily life these days most men simply do not take enough time to reflect on their inner experience. Learning to make the connections between our interior life and outer actions takes practice. In this particular model where the discussion questions focus on your lived experience, a business mind set does not work. Most men are more accustomed to a work oriented or competitive win-lose environment and struggle to answer questions of faith from an: “I feel, I’ve experienced” perspective and resort to defending their point of view and debating issues rather than maintaining a neutral listening stance. The active listening stance is one that opens to deeper discovery about how others might be experiencing God, faith and life.

Many men would agree they have put significantly more effort into developing work relationships ahead of faith relationships. We know to whom we would turn for political guidance at the office or for financial advice in our investments. But do you know immediately to whom you’d turn when your child is struggling, when you receive a bad diagnosis, loose your job or a loved one? In these weekly discussions, these are some the underlying life/faith challenges addressed from a faith perspective.

Without first developing the ability for candid sharing within your initial core group, discussions can quickly evolve into debate or arguments and can easily fall apart. Conversely, with practice you will see new men showing up and returning each week, because they are attracted to the common ground of what they hear at the small group table. Imagine a table where an SVP of Marketing, Fireman, Accountant, Plumber, Attorney and a House Painter all discover they are wrestling with the exact same life issues and are not so different after all. We have seen the most unlikely friendships and support systems develop between men whose paths would never have crossed due to different professions, hobbies, and economic status. But a shared faith becomes the great equalizer. Start slowly and give yourselves the necessary time in working with the sample sessions and our accompanying guide on Leading Small Group Discussion.

1.4 Success Factors and Trip Wires

After ten years of building men’s ministries in Catholic parishes we have seen common patterns that lead to both success and failure in launching a man’s ministry, especially in the early stages. Below are some of the most common things to do and to avoid.

Success Factors

  • Core Team Selection: Choose men who embrace this model and will accept responsibility for a role on the team. Strive to identify charismatic leaders who can communicate to the average guy in simple but compelling language.
  • Support and Participation of clergy
  • Rehearsing The Model: Before you launch your ministry to the parish, rehearsing the model is essential until table discussions and sharing are relatively fluid and remain on track. If you can’t do this with your core team, there is no reason to believe it will work with a larger group
  • Solid Table Leadership: Identify table leaders are who best suited to facilitate and sustain the small-group table friendship and experience.
  • Hospitality: Make everyone feel invited and included.
  • Parish Launch: It is important to have an official launch to introduce the new ministry to your parish. Without marking the occasion and extending the invitation, your ministry will likely turn into another exclusive small group rather than a thriving faith community.

Trip Wires

  • Parish Launch: Groups who skip the parish wide launch often struggle to grow. Announcements in the weekly bulletin and word of mouth are not enough.
  • Launching to the parish prematurely: Failing to rehearse the model well before your parish launch.
  • Weekly Meetings: Maintaining a disciplined weekly meeting schedule: less frequently is too infrequent and people drift away.
  • Fidelity to the Model: There are many ministry models out there and while we believe this one is unique, we recognize it may not be for everyone. If you want to give this model a shot at success it is important to execute the model as it is designed. Essentially this ministry is a spiritual development model, not a bible study or a good works model. Stick to the script, protect the integrity of the model and don’t let men hi-jack the meeting for other purposes.
    • Often new men show up and in their enthusiasm, have all kinds of ideas for the ministry. Some think you should rake leaves for senior citizens, others want to turn it into a book club. These are great ideas, just not what this model is designed for.
    • If men have a passion for specific good works or other ideas we encourage them to invite others from the ministry to join them but without pressure. This way, men know they can show up each week to safe place and be fed without feeling they will be coerced into other agendas.

Building Your Small Group

Assembling a core leadership team and building sponsorship with men and clergy.

2.1 Understanding Faith Sharing (vs.) Bible Study

Faith Sharing and Bible Study

There is a distinct difference between discussions about faith as a lived experience and faith as a set of beliefs. This Men’s Ministry model is rooted in scripture but seeks to use The Word as an entry point for discovering one’s personal experience of God more consciously.

Vatican Council II on Sacred Scripture

“Let the exegetes (scholars of scripture) use every science at their disposal to unlock the words, and when we come to those original experiences, we will find our own”. 

Most traditional bible study curriculums focus on the theory and methodology of interpreting biblical texts such as various literary genres, time lines, authorship and intended meaning. Our model brings personal experience to the forefront and uses elements of bible study, mainly as contextual support in helping connect scripture to our present day lives. This is important because men who attend mass but may not have studied the Bible are mainly hearing scripture from the lectionary. Lectionary readings take scripture passages out of their biblical context and put them into the context of the liturgical year. If you read one paragraph from a book you would not claim to have read the entire book, nor would you fully understand the context of one paragraph without knowing what preceded or followed it.

In order to help bridge this gap without suggesting everyone sign up for Bible study classes, we have utilized some of the wonderful Catholic scripture scholarship available to us today. These short exegetical commentaries written by contemporary Catholic clergy, women religious, scholars and teachers help to clearly explain the basic elements of the readings in a way that is supported by our Catholic tradition’s approach to scripture. This contextual approach considers: When is the author writing? What were the beliefs of their day? Who was the intended audience? What issues was the author/authors trying to address?

Forming Discussion Questions:

The questions presented in the sample sessions on this web site are intended to invite the reader think about the intersection of the Gospel texts with their lived experience. The idea is to come into contact with the Living Word as still having power and meaning in our daily lives, instead of being seen only as ancient stories about other people. Therefore, we try to avoid asking questions that could be answered with a simple yes or no, but instead invite men to reflect on their personal experience.

Sample Questions:

To help articulate the difference between a Faith Sharing and Bible Study approach to discussion questions, following are samples of both derived from our reading Mark 6: 30-44.

Scripture Reading:

The Rejection at Nazareth.
Mark 6: 1-6

He departed from there and came to his native place, accompanied by his disciples. When the Sabbath came he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were astonished. They said, “Where did this man get all this? What kind of wisdom has been given him? What mighty deeds are wrought by his hands! Is he not the carpenter, the son of Mary, and the brother of James and Joseph and Judas and Simon? And are not his sisters here with us?” And they took offense at him. Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his native place and among his own kin and in his own house.” So he was not able to perform any mighty deed there, apart from curing a few sick people by laying his hands on them. He was amazed at their lack of faith.

Faith Sharing Questions:

  1. In this story Jesus is pre-judged based on his family’s history in the town. What is your tendency to prejudge others based on perception or appearances rather than your experience of who they actually are?
  2. Do you believe the strength of your faith is part of a co-creational relationship that enables God’s movement in life? When have you experienced this?
  3. What does this story say to you about faith as a process of “letting go” and the importance of granting freedom to other people and to God?

Bible Study Questions:

  1. Why might Jesus’ townspeople have taken offense at him?
  2. What theme, evident in today’s Gospel, does mark emphasize throughout his Gospel?
  3. Why was Jesus unable to perform “ any mighty deeds? ”

2.2 Role of Catechism and Doctrine in Meetings

As we use Biblical scholarship and exegesis to support our understanding of The Word as it connects to our personal experience, we use catechism and doctrine in a similar way when responding to questions about what the Catholic Church teaches.

During small group discussions there are often catechetical teaching moments that come up. One man will be sharing an experience and someone well intended will jump in saying “ well… that’s why the Church teaches us that… ” Sometimes the response can be correct but often it is incorrect. Either way it can pull the discussion well off topic and often results in shutting down the man who was sharing his experience.

There is a wide range of religious, theological and educational understanding present at most men’s ministry meetings. This can often lead to confusion about the difference between Church doctrine, dogma and traditions. Again, the focus here should be using catechetical elements in a supportive way to help clarify a point being made or directly answer a question. We’ve found it helpful to not let one question about “what the church says” evolve into a full-blown apologetics debate. This can happen easily because it’s more comfortable for most men to debate catechism and theology than to share their personal experiences of God’s presence, especially if articulating those experiences is new for them.

If you have clergy present you can ask them to clarify questions as they come up. Or simply table the question until the end of the meeting so the entire group can benefit from the question and answer during the large group sharing. In situations where no clergy is present we generally have a core team leader follow up with the pastor to get an answer then e-mail it to the group, or address it the following week.

These situations generally occur more frequently in the early stages of the ministry but can be managed easily with good table facilitation skills. It is important to address people’s questions but not let the question disrupt the sharing or flow of the discussion

2.3 Small Group Guidelines

Suggested Guidelines For Small Group Discussion

  • We are not here to fix each other, judge each other, or compare with each other but rather to listen to each other and reflect on what we have heard through are own experiences.
  • Make sure everyone gets to talk and that no one talks too much or controls the conversation. Invite people to share, but force no one.
  • Make sure that men talk more about their personal experience and feelings rather than giving lectures. Sermons, opinions and ideas about abstract things OUT THERE.
  • When sharing it is best to talk from “I” statements: I have experienced, I am, I think, etc.
  • There is no need for “cross-talk” meaning; that is, you do not need to agree, disagree, judge or critique what another says.
  • “All that is said in a group is presumed to be CONFIDENTIAL. What is said in the group stays in the group.” Say this at the beginning of each meeting to ensure the group is a safe place for open and candid discussion.
  • Try to accept each man in the here and now, and let go of any tendency to put him in a box or pre-judge him. We all start from zero together.

2.4 Developing Table Captains

As your ministry grows it is likely your initial core team members will be facilitating small group discussions at different tables. By default they can become your first table captains. As you grow your numbers it is important for them to be on the lookout for new men who can step into this role as the need increases.

A good table captain is not the guy who talks the most but one who is good at inviting others to participate in the discussion. He listens well to what is being said, hears where the discussion is moving and can ask questions to help men clarify and expand on what they have said and heard.

The discussion questions are only a starting point. Sometimes you may find your table focusing on only one or two of the questions for the entire meeting. An effective table captain will help to guide and deepen the discussion rather than simply try to cover all the questions.

Attributes of Good Table Captains

  • Naturally exhibits leadership in the discussion; i.e. helps guide the discussion keeping the questions as the primary focus.
  • Listens well to the discussion and the direction it is moving in
  • Invites others to speak: helps to balance the airtime between talkers and non talkers
  • Is sensitive to notice when someone may be drifting off topic but still needs to be heard?
  • Capable of building relationships with the other men: following up after meetings, reaching out to men who may not be showing up?

Developing these capabilities further

Having good discussion questions is only part of leading effective small group sharing. Here are some important reminders to consider and to help successfully string these questions together into a lively, life-giving discussion.

  • Serve as a facilitator, not a lecturer. Your goal is to encourage personal interaction and self-discovery. At the same time, feel free to share your own experiences when appropriate.
  • Focus on what the scripture and questions have to say over your personal beliefs as a leader. Point members to scripture and allow the Holy Spirit to help group members explore and apply the text. 
  • Maintain an atmosphere of compassion and acceptance, which will lead to open discussion. Never put down a person’s comments or contribution.
  • Remember that community and spiritual growth are our main purposes for small group sharing, not top-notch theological discussions. Remember the goal is life change, not simply gaining knowledge.
  • Don’t be afraid of silence. Too often leaders ask a question, wait three to five seconds and then jump in to answer it themselves. Leave room for the Holy Spirit, the true facilitator, to move in the discussion.

We also suggest having occasional meetings with your Table Captains to share how things are going. New awareness, learning and skill development can come from hearing what other leaders are experiencing and how they are navigating at their tables. The expanded Power Point deck in the following section should also be of great assistance.

2.5 Leading Small Group Discussion

How to Lead a Small Group Discussion
Guidelines for Table Captains

Small Group Discussions

Key Components

  • Set the Tone
  • Navigate
  • Environment
  • Facilitate
  • Dealing with Silence
  • Encourage

Set the Tone

Create an open prayerful environment

  • Listen actively
  • Encourage participation
  • Help members feel at ease

Members look to you for guidance and leadership

Navigate

Keep the conversation on track

  • Focus on topic and questions for discussion
  • It is ok to digress to the extent group is willing to “go there” BUT:
    • Be mindful of the relevance of discussion to the overall theme of the day
    • Relate the “off-topic” discussion back to the general theme of the session

Foster an atmosphere of acceptance of each member’s point of view.

Let the group explore various related themes to the topic at hand but do not hesitate to steer the discussion back to the main point of the discussion

Environment

Everyone who wants to speak should have the opportunity to do so.

  • Create an environment where members feel comfortable speaking freely
  • Encourage others to listen
  • The speaker should have the ability to finish his thought before someone else jumps in

The ideal table complement is five members

  • Be aware of the tables around you
  • If there are too few or too many people at your table make an effort to encourage consolidation

Be sensitive to body language

  • Someone may not be speaking but their actions may indicate that they are uncomfortable with a particular discussion thread

Attempt to steer the conversation away from a topic that may make someone uncomfortable

Facilitate

Keep the conversation moving when it appears to be slowing

  • Attempt to connect the points members have made on a particular subject

Do not let any one person, yourself included, monopolize the discussion

  • Try to keep everyone engaged and sharing

Draw those who have a tendency not to speak into the discussion by actively seeking their views on the question; but do not press if they are not ready to speak.

What about Silence

Do not fear silence

  • Members may be digesting a question and trying to frame a response
  • Silence may be awkward but it is OK

If silence persists, move to another question and suggest that the group can come back to the topic later if there is time remaining

Encourage

Encourage sharing by affirming the input being given by members

Share with the larger group important points that may have been discussed

  • These comments could be of a general nature
  • Or, if they are personal make sure that your group is comfortable sharing.

Small Group discussions
Final Thoughts

Additonal helpful suggestions

  • When meeting with a new group for the first time, go around the table and ask each member to introduce and share a little about themselves
  • Familiarize yourself with the weekly reading ahead of time
  • Read aloud or ask a volunteer to read aloud each question then ask the group if any specific question is resonating with them. Who would like to begin?
  • Do not focus on one person and do not let one person drive the discussion
  • Keep the members of your table at ease by creating a warm relaxed environment
  • Share your own personal experiences when appropriate as a way to encourage others to share, but avoid pressuring anyone to speak
  • Laughter can be a great way to put the group at ease and make members more inclined to share. However reestablish a more serious tone when the time is right to move on

Strengthening Your Ministry

Allowing the Holy Spirit to work within your group to begin to expand your reach. 

3.1 Early Growth

Early Stage Growth

We have stressed the importance of growing slowly and striving for meaningful discussions instead of trying to attract large numbers in the early stages of your ministry.

Once you’ve worked with the model as a Core Team and feel your discussions are staying grounded in the men’s faith experience and on track with the questions, it is time to start expanding the ministry. We’ve found the best way to do this is to begin extending personal invitations to men you know or meet at Mass. The key in the early stage of growth is to invite men you believe would be attracted to and grasp the model.

People will accept invitations from acquaintances more easily than from strangers. If you start inviting people you know even causally and they do the same, the ripple effect kicks in and growth picks up.

As a core team, when you are ready, here are some starter questions to ask:

Ask the team for suggestions of men they know who may be interested in attending.

  • Whom might your Pastor or Deacons suggest you invite?
  • If you have other complimentary ministries that involve men, for example; the Knights of Columbus, or a traditional Bible Study, ask them if they might be interested in attending a meeting.
  • Set a goal that each core team member will try to invite one person to your next meeting.

If you work at this one-on-one invitation process you will often see your group double in size within a few months.

Think broadly about these invitations. In addition to the low hanging fruit of men in the parish, we’ve had men invite their neighbors or men they know might be struggling to get more involved in a faith journey.

We’ve had non-Catholics who started attending meetings and eventually went through the RCIA program and joined the Church. Some have become leaders of their Men’s Ministry.

Also, it’s important to keep track of any new men that begin to attend and then stop coming. Following up with them to learn about their experience and their reasons for not staying with it can sometimes provide helpful feedback for the team.

Set the Tone

Create an open prayerful environment

  • Listen actively
  • Encourage participation
  • Help members feel at ease

Members look to you for guidance and leadership

Navigate

Keep the conversation on track

  • Focus on topic and questions for discussion
  • It is ok to digress to the extent group is willing to “go there” BUT:
    • Be mindful of the relevance of discussion to the overall theme of the day
    • Relate the “off-topic” discussion back to the general theme of the session

Foster an atmosphere of acceptance of each member’s point of view.

Let the group explore various related themes to the topic at hand but do not hesitate to steer the discussion back to the main point of the discussion

Environment

Everyone who wants to speak should have the opportunity to do so.

  • Create an environment where members feel comfortable speaking freely
  • Encourage others to listen
  • The speaker should have the ability to finish his thought before someone else jumps in

The ideal table complement is five members

  • Be aware of the tables around you
  • If there are too few or too many people at your table make an effort to encourage consolidation

Be sensitive to body language

  • Someone may not be speaking but their actions may indicate that they are uncomfortable with a particular discussion thread

Attempt to steer the conversation away from a topic that may make someone uncomfortable

Facilitate

Keep the conversation moving when it appears to be slowing

  • Attempt to connect the points members have made on a particular subject

Do not let any one person, yourself included, monopolize the discussion

  • Try to keep everyone engaged and sharing

Draw those who have a tendency not to speak into the discussion by actively seeking their views on the question; but do not press if they are not ready to speak.

What about Silence

Do not fear silence

  • Members may be digesting a question and trying to frame a response
  • Silence may be awkward but it is OK

If silence persists, move to another question and suggest that the group can come back to the topic later if there is time remaining

Encourage

Encourage sharing by affirming the input being given by members

Share with the larger group important points that may have been discussed

  • These comments could be of a general nature
  • Or, if they are personal make sure that your group is comfortable sharing.

Small Group discussions
Final Thoughts

Additonal helpful suggestions

  • When meeting with a new group for the first time, go around the table and ask each member to introduce and share a little about themselves
  • Familiarize yourself with the weekly reading ahead of time
  • Read aloud or ask a volunteer to read aloud each question then ask the group if any specific question is resonating with them. Who would like to begin?
  • Do not focus on one person and do not let one person drive the discussion
  • Keep the members of your table at ease by creating a warm relaxed environment
  • Share your own personal experiences when appropriate as a way to encourage others to share, but avoid pressuring anyone to speak
  • Laughter can be a great way to put the group at ease and make members more inclined to share. However reestablish a more serious tone when the time is right to move on

3.2 Parish Wide Launch

When your attendance grows to between in 15 -20 men, you can begin to split your group into two or three tables of five men each. Remember this a small group model, so as the numbers grow you’ll want to maintain the integrity of the small group discussion experience. This is also a good time to start considering a Parish Wide Launch of your ministry.

The Parish Wide Launch involves introducing the newly formed men’s ministry to the parish at mass. This can occur before, during or after mass. We recommend before the opening procession or during the mass for the highest impact, not when people are taking their seats or leaving during announcements.

Option one: Easy Launch

  • Set up a Core Team with your Pastor and Deacons. Discuss the best timing and weekend for the launch according to their schedule and other parish events going on.
  • One pastor told us he felt the ministry was so important, he wanted to do this before mass began while he had everyone’s attention. He didn’t want it to be swallowed up in the other announcements. This made a big impression.
  • Your Pastor introduces the men’s ministry explaining that you’ve been meeting each week for the last 4 to 6 months. He gives a brief overview of the purpose of the ministry and his thoughts on the importance having a ministry that addresses the unique challenges men face in building faith based relationships and growing in their spiritual lives.
  • As a team, select a few men to speak and have them standing with your Pastor as he gives the overview and introduces them to the parish.
  • Choose men who are comfortable speaking and who can be compelling about their experience. Each man should speak briefly about one aspect of his experience at the weekly meetings. Talks should be choreographed ahead of time to avoid redundancy.
  • For example: one man speaks about how men’s ministry has helped his faith journey, another about positive changes in his mass experience, another on new awareness gained in his role as a husband and father.
  • After the men speak one of them can invite the men and women of the parish to a pre arranged coffee reception where your team can circulate and meet men and their wives. This should be an opportunity for men to meet one another and casually discuss the ministry without pressure, invitation without expectation.

Option two: A More Involved Launch

Follow the guidelines above but instead of a coffee reception, host a talk on a theme that will pique men’s interests. Most guys will sign up to attend something that helps them to be a better father and we’ve successfully used fatherhood as a topic when launching to the parish.

  • Have a guest speaker come to your parish (or a compelling lay member) to address the importance of fatherhood as a vital role in a man’s faith journey. (see our sample Fatherhood talk by MM leader Ed Tonnessen in our Resources Section)
  • We serve a simple buffet style breakfast. Coffee, Eggs, Pancakes and Bacon. (Catered or cooked by the men) We begin with an opening prayer. Have people get their breakfast and take their seats. The talk begins once everyone has been seated and started with breakfast.
  • The talk is usually about 30 minutes long. Afterward we hand out discussion questions for each table based on the talk.
  • After another 30 to 40 minutes we have a large group sharing to hear comments about the talk and the discussions, usually facilitated by the speaker or your Pastor. Then we close with a prayer.
  • This entire process mirrors the men’s weekly meeting format pretty closely. In closing we tell the men present, if they enjoyed this discussion … they have just experienced what we do every Saturday morning on a variety of topics at Men’s Ministry. Please come join us any Saturday

3.3 Topics and Content Development

In our Archived Sessions Material under the Resources tab you will find complete weekly Men’s Ministry Sessions available for use. The sessions cover the Sunday Gospel reading for Liturgical Cycles A, B and C and follow the Liturgical Calendar for each year.

We’ve included these sessions for two reasons.

  • As a help in jump starting ministries for those who may not have clergy available to attend meetings or put material together each week. 
  • We felt providing proven material would be the best way to demonstrate this particular model of ministry while also giving you a feel for developing solid faith sharing questions and eventually your own sessions.

As most of groups we’ve worked with meet toward the end of the week or on Saturday mornings, the men are exploring the Gospel reading they will hear read at Mass that following Sunday. This provides an opportunity to reflect, discuss and absorb readings from the lectionary within community and in a prayerful way prior to mass. We have had consistent feedback over the years that men have found this to enrich their mass experience.

In addition to sessions that cover the Sunday Gospels throughout the year, listed below are stand-alone sessions by topic and thematic sessions that cover six-week blocks. Some of these will be included in the archive for your use, but the list is intended to give you an idea of the creativity being used in developing new content at various parish men’s ministries.

Stand Alone Topics

  • Love
  • Forgiveness
  • Accountability
  • Ego
  • Faith
  • Church vs church
  • The Sacraments
  • Work/Life Balance
  • Faith in Community
  • Developing our Relationship with God
  • Mercy
  • Serving The Poor
  • Love in the Family

Thematic Topics

  • Masculinity- The Real Jesus
  • Spiritual Basics
  • Pain and Suffering
  • Gifts and Calling
  • Discipleship
  • Prayer Life
  • True Self- False Self
  • Advent-Preparing for Christmas
  • Preparing for Lent
  • Preparing for Easter
  • Easter People
  • The Beatitudes
  • The Creeds
  • The Ten Commandments
  • Marriage
  • Fatherhood
  • Parenting Strong Willed Children
  • For Men Only
  • Men at Work
  • Financial Stress
  • Marketplace Employment
  • Attitude Adjustment
  • Accountability

As your ministry grows and men adjust to the small group model, it’s important to listen to what you and your Core Team leaders are hearing at the tables. Often, world events and other news can come up in discussion. If you see a pattern where your weekly discussion keeps reverting to a particular topic, it may be worthy of developing it into a complete session for discussion. As long as the focus is centered on how the topic impacts one’s faith experience, there is wide range of possibility for developing additional content for weekly sessions.

Further, the Reading Room archive, under the Resources menu is a great way to help men develop a spiritual reading practice that can stimulate discussions leading to new session material. There are so many great books out there and with enough variety, there is truly something for everyone. We encourage you to occasionally but consistently challenge the men on the importance of developing a spiritual reading habit as a support to the spiritual journey and faith life.

3.4 Ongoing Events for Growth

Ongoing Events for Growth

Generally within 18 months from beginning, most men’s ministries grow to a total number of approximately 50 men with around 20 to 30 attending each week. This typically this happens through word of month and personal invitation. Growing beyond that number takes a consistent and ongoing effort. Hopefully your Core Team leader for Development / Recruitment will be leading the charge here with some ideas for recruiting new men.

Some suggestions to help:

  • Strive to host at least one Men’s Ministry sponsored event per year. The Fall and Spring are often a good time for this.
  • Events are tailored to attract new men to the ministry but can also be directed toward families if the topic fits well: i.e. Effective Fatherhood is always a draw.
  • Remember when considering events and recruiting new men, wives are often instrumental in getting men to church and to participate in community events. Leverage this where you can.
  • Promoting events at mass during the announcements can help create broader awareness and build community sponsorship

Event ideas:

  • Fall- Monday Night Football Event with Pizza and Beer in the Hall
  • Spring- Pancake breakfast with a speaker presenting on a Faith / Spiritual related topic
  • Effective Fathering
  • Bring your Son to Men’s Ministry Day. The success of this prompted a repeat for a Wives and then Daughters day
  • Christmas Men’s Ministry Social, and other couples dinner events.
  • Men’s Ministry retreats.

Any of these event ideas provide an opportunity to invite new potential members and for the Core Team and the men to introduce themselves and say a few words about men’s ministry and the impact it is having on men’s faith lives. We have included more details on the structure and promotion of these events in our Resources section.